Opinions Are Like Buttholes, Everyone has one and They Stink

Sometimes I get so fed up with people who think that their opinions are the only opinions that matter. I am also fed up with people who hear other opinions and get mad about opposing opinions. Why does it matter if someone else has a different opinion, that's what makes people so special. Ugh! People really need to grow up.

We went to a wedding this weekend. It wasn't just any wedding, it was my best friend's wedding. We've been best friends since we were 12 (her) and 11 (me) so it's been a long time. We've been through boyfriends, friends, school, everything and now she's married with a baby on the way. I couldn't be happier for her. She deserves this more than anyone else I know.

While at the wedding, it really gave me weddingitis. I know we're not getting married yet for practical reasons but another part of me says screw those practical reasons, we'll make it work. I'll get a job, something. I don't know what's going to happen but something will, someday. We were talking about weddings yesterday which made me feel good so we'll see what happens.

For now...I'm being responsible and providing for my kids.

I'm Ready

Right now we're renting a house pretty far away from everyone. It's a nice house in the country but...it's pretty far away from everyone. Kasey has to drive an hour to get to work, I have to drive an hour to get to Ray's school and to my family's house. It's just not practical to live out there so we want to move closer. Renting houses out here is crazy, it just doesn't happen unless you have tons of money.

I found a house that I want. It's a foreclosure so who knows what kind of condition it's in but it's 4 bedroom 2.5 bath and 2 stories. I really want this house but I know the market sucks right now for buying houses. The one thing going for us is the VA loan. *sigh*

Please cross your fingers, say prayers something that this works out because I really want my own house. It's time to grow up and be an adult.

Random Ramblings

Sorry it's been so long. I'm really going to try to blog at least once or twice a week.

Here are some questions for the night. Why do people get married? Why do people stay married even when they're not happy? Do you really think that people who get married at 19, 20 will stay married forever? Why does society these days make divorce as acceptable as it is?

Yeah I know these are deep thoughts and focused on marriage but someone asked me the question "Why do people get married" and the best answer I had was "Because they love each other." How's that for a deep response? Seriously though...why is marriage so important? If you love each other and have a commitment to each other, why is that certain piece of paper so important?

I know why. There's just something special about saying "my husband" or "my wife". There's something sacred about the love between two people who really love each other. There's something awesome about the feeling of pure contentment, knowing that this person loves you enough to want to be with you for the rest of his life.

I know I love K. I know that I can live without him but the main thing is that I don't want to live without him. I don't like being away from him. I don't want him to work over nights and off shore or go on deployments. It's not okay for me. I put up with being a military wife for almost 5 years and I won't do it again. I won't be a single married mom again.

I know K loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I just think we're both shy. We're both scared that things could go wrong but sometimes in life you can't shy away. You can't be afraid, you have to take chances so maybe soon we'll both jump.

It's been a while...

I apologize for how long it's been since I've updated. I have no excuse other than the fact that I have two kids, a boyfriend, 4 dogs, some random family and some really good friends.

Here's a really quick update from November 15th until now. Thanksgiving was okay, Christmas was horrible, New Years was good and my birthday was good. :)

Z has been fighting RSV since December 19th and it's been horrible. He's been so sick and I can't do anything about it except to nurse him, cuddle him and hug him. I hate him being sick. I hate going to the doctor every week or two because he's just not getting better. The good news is that the cough is gone so he's not hacking anymore. He's still congested (but who in Houston isn't), he has a small cough (once again, who in Houston doesn't) and because of this congestion, he has double ear infections now. Yeah craptastic isn't it? I was so upset with everything when I left the doctor's office on Wednesday. Why can't I keep my child well? What is so hard about keeping a breastfed baby well? Ugh!

R has entered a very ornery stage and it tests me every day. He has taken to making up stories and lying. I know he's just using his imagination and testing his limits but man does it frustrate me. I know a lot of it is with Z being as sick as he's been, R's getting almost no mommy time and he needs it. I made a point to spend some time with him today and he seems to be doing better so I hope that if we continue to spend more time together, he'll keep doing as well as he's been doing today.

I'm almost moved into K's house. I'm at Dad's house right now and it seems like no matter what I do, I can't make anyone happy here. A (dad's g/f) and B seem so mad at me no matter what I do. I didn't even do anything last night and they were acting weird towards me. People at dinner (who aren't around all of the time) didn't notice it but K did and asked me about it. At dinner, I wanted R to sit next to me and B said "No he's next to me!" and then when I went down there to see R, she got this smirk or something on her face. I don't get it. I just don't belong here anymore. Sometimes I feel as if I don't belong anywhere.

Peace

There is nothing more peaceful than a sleeping baby. I love when you can tell when they hit that point of no return and they're completely knocked out. Nothing will wake them, their limbs are heavy and they just melt into you. I also love it when I lay Z down and he rubs his face on his bed until he gets comfortable and then he passes back out, with his butt in the air of course.

I think one of my most favorite things is when Z is nursing and he's so tired but he is fighting sleep to nurse more. His eyes will roll back into his head and then he opens them again, then they'll roll, etc etc. Then he'll get into a bit of a deeper sleep and he'll unlatch, then hurry to latch back on. I love nursing. :)

Tonight R was ready for bed and I was nursing Z. R comes and asks me if he can just go to bed in his tshirt. He was so tired, my poor little one. I guess the throwing up from the night before got to him, not that I blame him.

Okay on to bed to be with my wonderful children. R's in his bed, Z's in his bed but I know soon Z will be in bed with me, cuddling up next to me. Yes I co-sleep and no, nobody will ever stop me.

Pictures of my Boys

I'm going to update yall with some new pictures of my beautiful boys. They're my life and I don't know what I'd do without them.

Being a Parent

Sometimes being a parent really sucks when you have to make choices that you don't want to make but you know the choice is what's best for your children.

Right now I'm being faced with one of the hardest choices so far. R's dad (X) isn't being much of a father. R spent more time with his great-grandma than he did his father. X is also Z's father (obviously since we were married) and X had nothing to do with Z when he dropped R off this morning. He didn't look at him, didn't want to see him, didn't even mention him. He just dropped R off and left. So this is the hard choice I'm facing. I want to send X termination of parental rights papers for Z because he obviously doesn't care two craps about him and Z deserves better than that. Z and R both have a wonderful father in their life who loves them like they were his own. That's all I can ask for.

And I want to apologize for not writing every day like I set out to do. I needed to clear my head and think and being around Dad's house was just too much for me to do that. I escaped to K's house and spent some time with him.

Monday night (the 5th) we were laying in bed and he asked me to marry him. It was the sweetest, most sincere moment of my life (other than birthing my children) and I am so happy. We're not sure when the wedding will be but it's going to happen.

Z's hungry and ready for bed. That's my update.