Wow...it's been a Long Time

I haven't even been blogging on myspace. I just don't have the time for it right now.

Z is walking and getting into everything. R has hit the 4 year old I'm better than everyone stuff and it's driving me crazy. I know it's part of being a mom but man it sucks sometimes. I hate having to be the bad guy but I know it's better that I do it now rather than have him be a shitty ass teenager.

I don't have internet at my house yet and it's driving me crazy. I can't wait until we get the internet. I miss talking to all of my friends online. It's sad but my best friends are online.

Ex got married to the girl from Guam. Why you ask? I don't know. I don't think he loves her. I don't think he's capable of loving anyone but himself. He thinks he loves R but he doesn't. If he did, then he wouldn't not pay child support.

This whole divorce thing has really screwed with my head. I wish I wouldn't have found out about him cheating on me because now I'm terrified that it will happen again. I trust K and I know he wouldn't but it still...I don't know, scares me?

K has a family that has adopted him since he was younger. They live a few minutes away and they're all super nice. I get along with them or at least I thought I did. Ms. D is the mom and she is very strict with the grandkids and I don't agree with it. I never told anyone but K that I don't agree with it and now he thinks I don't like her. I do like her as a person. She is a very sweet, caring, generous person, she really is. And being strict on kids is okay but in MY opinion the way she's doing stuff isn't the way I'd do stuff. And I know the way I do stuff isn't the way she'd do it. That's okay, we can differ on things, especially when it comes to parenting. It just makes my time over there very uncomfortable because I know she's looking at me wondering why I've never left Zach and why he's still breastfed and why when he cries, I pick him up. That's just how I am and how I'll always be. I'm going back to work at some point and I considered asking her to watch the boys on top of the other kids she watches but I don't want her to anymore. I'd rather pay for daycare. How bad is that?

I know this update is more of a vent but I had to get it out. I'm still breastfeeding, Zach is still cloth diapering and we're all happy.

I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July!