I don't get it

A while ago (when I was first married) I told my cousin that I was so happy I would never have to worry about dating again. Yeah look at me now...dating again. What the hell, I hate it. I really really do.

Things with Kasey are done. He stopped calling me for some reason and so I just said screw it. I'm done. If he wants to play these games, then I'm done. I have enough shit going on in my life, I don't need some immature games because he's pissed that I didn't answer my phone when he called.

I went on a date last night and I had a really good time but I hate the doubts. The "what if he doesn't like me" doubts or the "what if he doesn't like what I look like" doubts or the "what if it's just me feeling like we're having a good time and he's just being nice" doubts. I hate it. I hate doubting stuff. I hate the unknown.

Everything is so unsettled in my life right now and I hate it. I am scared out of my mind for Ray (he has cysts in his sinuses and we're going to a neurologist next week), I'm scared out of my mind about school and god things with Dad are making me uneasy.

He's dating this new girl who is 34 (yes 9 years older than me) and she has an 11 year old and a 12 year old. Apparently he's serious about it and they've been talking about buying a house. Well her daughter told me and Britt that it's a 5 bedroom house. Guess what? We all don't fit into a 5 bedroom house. We need at least 7 bedrooms to fit everyone and we are not moving south of the city.

I just wish life was normal and easy but that wouldn't be my life. So here I sit, crying because I just am so blah, and wanting to just sleep the day away.