Boys

I never thought I'd be a mom to 2 boys. I never thought I'd be up to my eyeballs in Transformers, trucks, balls, blue, blue, blue, blue. I never thought that me, the girly-girl, would have 2 boys, and LOVE it.

I love my boys. I love them with every fiber of my being. I love them and couldn't ask for anything different. I love knowing that my boys are going to grow up and be nice, respectful men because of how I'm raising them.

I am responsible for shaping them, and they're going to be wonderful men. I don't think there's a bigger compliment than knowing that.

Adventures in My Life

Before I had children, I had no idea how emotionally chaotic my life would be. I thought that whatever I said in terms of rules would go, and there would be no fighting. Let's all laugh at me on that one. Obviously I was a new mom with unreasonable expectations. Having one child was chaotic enough but then I threw in another one for fun(?) and well my life has not been the same since.

We were walking through Wal Mart today and my youngest, Z, started hitting and pinching my oldest, R. Z was angry and frustrated at R, because well he could be I guess? I don't know what caused him to be so angry at R, but it happened. One second Z was riding peacefully in the basket and the next he was hitting R on the head and pinching him. R knows better than to react to Z, because Z is only 15 months old and R is 4. We stopped walking, I looked at Z and told him that it wasn't nice. I told him he needed to do nice gentle touches, and then I showed him what nice gentle touches were. He kind of giggled, tried to pinch R again, so I repeated the process. He patted R on the hand, smiled, and we went on our way.

My perception was that Z was frustrated with R because of several reasons. I think he was frustrated, because R was getting to walk, R was getting to help pick things out, and R was touching Z's basket. As adults, we realize that these are very unreasonable things to be upset about but to a 15 month old, it's the end of the world. An older woman was walking by as I was doing the "gentle touches" routine, and she looked at me and smiled. I'm not quite sure if she thought I was off of my rocker (which is very possible being a single mom to 2 young boys and going to school full time), or if she approved of my way of handling the situation. I like to think it's the latter, so I'll continue to live in my own little bubble with that thought. I like to think that she perceived me as a well put together mom who keeps her temper and does not yell and scream at her children. My boys perceived it as a game, and they do not realize that while it was fun, they were also learning.

Peace

There is nothing more peaceful than a sleeping baby. I love when you can tell when they hit that point of no return and they're completely knocked out. Nothing will wake them, their limbs are heavy and they just melt into you. I also love it when I lay Z down and he rubs his face on his bed until he gets comfortable and then he passes back out, with his butt in the air of course.

I think one of my most favorite things is when Z is nursing and he's so tired but he is fighting sleep to nurse more. His eyes will roll back into his head and then he opens them again, then they'll roll, etc etc. Then he'll get into a bit of a deeper sleep and he'll unlatch, then hurry to latch back on. I love nursing. :)

Tonight R was ready for bed and I was nursing Z. R comes and asks me if he can just go to bed in his tshirt. He was so tired, my poor little one. I guess the throwing up from the night before got to him, not that I blame him.

Okay on to bed to be with my wonderful children. R's in his bed, Z's in his bed but I know soon Z will be in bed with me, cuddling up next to me. Yes I co-sleep and no, nobody will ever stop me.

Pictures of my Boys

I'm going to update yall with some new pictures of my beautiful boys. They're my life and I don't know what I'd do without them.

Being a Parent

Sometimes being a parent really sucks when you have to make choices that you don't want to make but you know the choice is what's best for your children.

Right now I'm being faced with one of the hardest choices so far. R's dad (X) isn't being much of a father. R spent more time with his great-grandma than he did his father. X is also Z's father (obviously since we were married) and X had nothing to do with Z when he dropped R off this morning. He didn't look at him, didn't want to see him, didn't even mention him. He just dropped R off and left. So this is the hard choice I'm facing. I want to send X termination of parental rights papers for Z because he obviously doesn't care two craps about him and Z deserves better than that. Z and R both have a wonderful father in their life who loves them like they were his own. That's all I can ask for.

And I want to apologize for not writing every day like I set out to do. I needed to clear my head and think and being around Dad's house was just too much for me to do that. I escaped to K's house and spent some time with him.

Monday night (the 5th) we were laying in bed and he asked me to marry him. It was the sweetest, most sincere moment of my life (other than birthing my children) and I am so happy. We're not sure when the wedding will be but it's going to happen.

Z's hungry and ready for bed. That's my update.

Things I love about Breastfeeding

1. Knowing that 100% of what my baby gets is from me.

2. Knowing that the reason why he's almost 15 lbs at 3.5 months old is because of me.

3. The bonding time we get.

4. The milky smiles.

5. The "milk drunk" look.

6. Passing out from being milk drunk.

7. The cuddling.

8. The giggle before latching on.

9. The instant contentment after latching on.

10. Co-sleeping while nursing.

11. The huge burps.

12. The lack of projectile spit up.

13. The gulping.

14. Him grabbing my hand while he nurses.

15. The rooting.

16. The nutritional benefits.

17. Knowing that I'm giving my son the best food ever.

18. The wonderful friends I've made because of breastfeeding.

19. Finally finding something I feel passionate about.

20. Helping other moms overcome problems they have while breastfeeding.

Please feel free to comment to add your own things. :) I'd love to see them.

Helpless

I hate feeling helpless. I don't think there's any other feeling worse than knowing that your little baby is sick and you can't do anything to stop it from happening.

With an ear infection, you can give antibiotics and you know that something is going to help eventually. My poor baby, Z, has the flu and an ear infection. He has antibiotics to help with the ear part but we can't do anything but sit and wait in anticipation for the flu to hit.

Today at the doctor, he wanted to swab Z's nose just to be sure he doesn't have the flu. Well to our surprise it came back positive. Sometimes I think that's worse. I know he has the flu but it hasn't given him any symptoms yet. We're just sitting here waiting, knowing that the worst is yet to come and when the worst comes, what can I do? Absolutely nothing but tylenol, nursing and holding him, making sure he's okay.

I love being a Mom but the sick times suck because you can't do anything to fix it.

Moms

I sometimes wish that I had more interesting things to write about. My life is pretty boring and not really that much fun. Wait, I take that back. I have a 3 year old (he'll go by R) and a 3 month old (he'll go by Z) so my life is never boring nor not any fun. My boys are constantly making me smile, laugh, cry and get aggravated, and that's all within 10 minutes.

I don't think anyone realizes how lacking their life was until they have children. I never knew my purpose in life until I had R and then everything became clear. My purpose in life is to be the best mom I can be for my two boys. My purpose in life is to nurture these innocent sweet babies and help them grow into the best men they can be.

I try not to think about them growing up and just enjoy R and Z being little. I enjoy the cuddles, the kisses, the co-sleeping, the nursing, the baby slobber, the new milestones...everything that comes with having a toddler and a newborn I try to enjoy. They grow up way too fast!

My message...enjoy your little babies while you can because before you know it, they'll be leaving for their first day of preschool or high school.